If I could rip her beautiful face off and sew it on mine.

I can still feel you.

I think I would finally be happy

You are

the only reason that I feel this way...

It would help if we all had a piece of the moon to hold onto

It paved a way of distance

Look at what you do to me...

If it's not there

(Then make it)

If it's been made

(Then take it)

If it's been taken

(Then steal it)

If it's been stolen

(Then it was never there)

God gives us hope.

But we stil fear what we do not know

The first time I saw you.

You turned away

If you were an illusion

I would make you real.

Everything reminds me of you

"You & I are going to be okay

You know that, right?"

Sometimes I wonder how I will stay strong

This day feels like it will never end

Lovers alone wear sunlight

I'll lie awake until the morning light

It'll be okay.

Every person has one secret

I've hit the point in life

Where I have no idea what to do next

I'm afraid

I'm afraid of ending up like parents

I'm afraid of being unoriginal

I'm afraid of what the outcome will be for me in college

I'm afraid of not being smart enough

I'm afraid of losing friends and make new ones

I'm afraid of being a failure

I'm afraid of getting old

I don't want kids

I don't want to be functional

I want people to remember me

I like my dysfunctional family

I like being different.

Desire

If you see someone you desire, whisper that person's name twenty times.

Then before going to sleep that night wish twenty times to see that person again.

From the past... I felt like this... Maybe you'll finally see...

What's your greatest ambition?

to become immortal and then die...

"I will end up destroying myself one way or another...."

It's funny when someone says I love You.

You can't really feel it when the words are spoken out,

But when they say they don't love you anymore,

You can feel every ounce drained out of your entire body.

Your body is my home.

Feeling your heavy breathing on my neck again,

Having your arms around me tight,

Feeling safe,

I love you.

People say that I don't judge

usually I don't

but sometimes,

I think people need to be judged

more than anything

I wish that I could do what I want

without caring what other people think

When someone asks you "what's wrong?"

and the most common lie is 'I'm fine.'

In the past...

I wondered

Will I be alone forever?

I wanted to tell you so many things,

But didn't know how.

"Remember there are no mistakes,

only lessons to love yourself,

trusting your choices,

and everything is possible"

I admit I longed for a relationship,

But it was hard to find Mr. right.

Seeing a good looking guy that had the conceded attitude.

Or have a guy with the perfect attitude was wasn't "good looking"

I wanted both, Yet I never found Mr. Right.

I thought I did so many times but... well

I found him,

I found my Mr.Right.

It took me all through high school to find him for me,

Seeing him for the first time, I felt like love at first sight,

But I had to let him make the first move,

letting it be traditional,

It didn't work out.

I had to make the first move,

Follow him after class,

Talk, Laugh, Whisper,

Than I asked him if He would be mine.

First words were not what I wanted to hear,

Yet he later said he was a fool and wanted me.

Taking it day by day, so slowly,

Love was growing between us,

from him and me

we became one, and have been ever since.

You are real with yourself to me than you are to your best bro.

You let me see your emotions,

anger, sadness, and yes true happiness.

Create your Life.

I tried to see the beauty in every person.

But when I look at others,

They never do the same.

Right now love me.

let your heart defy your logic....

Handbook 2010

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray and read your Bible daily.
6. Play more games .
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t over do it. Keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree…

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about, I just did.

For the Holidays

So..... Christmas..... HA

Yeah after all the shopping, sales, the deals to get someone a gift is like hunting for that perfect gift. I hate shopping, I hate getting up and go to the store spend so much time at the store and wait for mommy dearest to decide what to get for who. In the past I thought it would be great, I thought that maybe it would be okay to give and receive, but that was when I was in junior high through high school. Now in reality I see a whole different picture. I now know its more of a you did this for me so I have to repay you kind of thing. This year i also notice the more you grow up the harder it is to understand that your not gonna get so much presents this year. Which to me I say its a bunch a Bull@#$% yeah. I loved when I would wake up in the morning and scream "MERRY CHRISTMAS!!" I would race with my brother and group up which ones are my presents and his presents. I would than call all my relatives and wish them a Merry Christmas. Christmas to me still means to reminds those that you remember them and care enough to call and wish them a Merry Christmas. Its not the gifts, the money, or the wanting something for yourself.

Right now I admit, I wish I could go to church and listen to the story of the birth of Jesus Christ. I mean yeah I used to be a strong religious Catholic girl. But I don't really like going to church anymore because I believe to preach out the words of god, or the holy Scriptures the "father" must feel it. To make us the people of God to Feel something after mass. Since the "father" that I once knew and remember I love to listen and later I felt the words of God. But now we have a new preacher and I refuse to go and listen to his words, because they are not fulfilling, it doesn't capture my attention. I once thought God give those that have been faithful and have been a great caring person. Right now I feel like its all a lie, I know a man who has never done anything bad in his life. Has never lied as long as I known him (which has been my whole life) He has been great, strong, generous, caring, honest, and everything you can think of, is now a man of weak, sick, sad, angry, depressed. Why God? Why is my dad a man of sickness a man that has worked so hard to get all his brothers, sisters and his mother to get here. A great man that worked for a low pay and help his wife to buy a house for a daughter and son. A strong man to work two job, when he knew that he was feeling weak. A man that now cannot work, because he loves to work hard and try and help his family as much as he can, but now feels like he's a thorn to the family. Why God?

Yeah, I was wondering why do bad things happen to Good people?

Why do SOME bad people get good things happened to them?

Karma? Luck? Hard work? faith? I don't know anymore.....

December 22, 2009

Yeah I decided to write my own thoughts into this online journal. At first I thought this would be lame, but lately so much things have been going on with my life and thinking about just adds more stress to my mind that I just can't think about other things. So creating this blog, I'm hoping that I can leave my thoughts on hear and don't have to worry so much.

Now, its almost Christmas and yeah its a time for giving and being with those that you love... But is it really something that you want to celebrate, I mean why have only one day to give and be with those that you care for so much? I spend time with my family everyday, see them everyday, do things with them everyday. I don't know what it is with so many people going out and spending hundreds to thousands of dollars on things that others may or may not use. For example my family have always done the same things, buy each person a small gift, not really caring if they are going to use it but think that they will, when in reality the kids aren't gonna use but keep a smile on there faces, I don't know how many times I received pajamas when I usually wear an over size t-shirt with short or pj pants that my mother bought me. That's why I just give away my gifts that I received, knowing for a fact I'm never gonna use them, to someone that may like it. But Christmas is just another day for me to spend time with relatives and yeah, it has its ups and downs but really, its all for the moms to get together and gossip, having the men and kids talk about well for my family, wrestling, sports, who is with who, who's having a baby, or just the plain "Hows everything?" conversations.

Before it use to be dancing, music, laughter, and family with high spirits. I don't know what happened, maybe this getting old stuff is just a normal affect. But i would like to remember how it was everyone that spent some time with each other and not just with one side of the family but with mom and dad side. Christmas used to be my favorite time of day, but recently its all sad, boring, and just another day. I wonder what it would be like to have Christmas when I have my own place, when our moms and dads become old. Would everyone come? Would it be the same?

NO. Plain and simple, its gonna be different, nothing would be the same. Why is it that people have to change? I thought about that sometimes... Why is it easy to change, not only from the outside but from the inside. Is it hard to stay the person you were from before? I guess it must be, but why can we stay the same, just because one is growing up, doesn't necessarily mean they will change everything about themselves (I heard some do) but I like the same old friends I used to talk to, the same people that i could laugh and be myself... Change happens, to everyone, and i must face it and praise it.. I guess.

Anyways enough of my random, nonsense opinions, I would like to continue with my thoughts about Christmas and family. Oh yes, Christmas is a time to create wonderful meals and serve it to 20+ relatives and friends. A time to open presents and cry about what you didn't get. A time to go to church (If your religious) and spend an hour or more listening to the same old story of Mary and Joseph and the birth of Jesus the anointed one. A time to celebrate with those that you rarely see and pretend to enjoy every minute talking to cousins, aunts, and uncles. A time where all your female relatives gossiping about their children and the accomplishments that they have made. A time of remembering your most embarrassing moments from the past and reliving it on television. Where you listen to people that you barely talk to and hear their complains. Oh Christmas, Dear Christmas, where will I be without you...

Now Families Oh boy Where to start, how about the part where all the aunties gather together and "Show off" their children by talking about what they have done and have accomplshed, and if one child haven't made such a great accomplishment then the others would laugh at him or her because they weren't smart enough to win a award, get an "A" on a test, can't get a job, or not getting high marks on school criteria. I realized its not just Christmas that my family does this, but its EVERY single holiday/celebration. I love my relatives, yeah sure I have to don't I. Like many have quoted "Blood is thicker than water.." I despise that quote first of all, I thought about this a lot. Knowing that I have a couple cousins that I would love to state they are not related to me, are. But knowing that there bad choices affects not only them but Yours truly. Family, oh sure they are there for you, until you stop talking to them and ignore their living exist, but they are there. Yeah I can go to them and talk about my problems when I can't do that with my mom or dad, but after talking to them, its like no point to talk to them, because they would pass it on to others which will then start a cycle of regret. Family, yeah I let other friends in and call them "sis" or "bro" its not because its for fun, but because they are more like a sister or brother to me, and to me I wish they were. I rather have fake sisters, brothers, or cousins than the certain ones that are blood related to me.

Now I'm not saying this is happening to you, but this is my family and our traditions, and what I think about it. I know everyone is different, every family is different, so these are my thoughts, my opinions, my life.

Hope you enjoyed reading a piece of my crazy, random, nonsense thoughts...