Holy Moly

Where have time gone? I thought I might have started a blog, but I knew I wasn't going to be up to date on it.

So let's see I'll do a Monthly summary

January:

Picked out Spring semester classes, and surprisingly I have no one that took the same class, talk about being lonely. but I love my psychology classes and research at Primary's Children Medical Center. I love volunteering for Kids crew as well.

Oh! and let me tell you I got one of the best jobs FINALLY! I'll be working at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital I was so excited when I got the job.

Another step to making my dreams into reality.

February:

Love is in the air and well that was nothing new to Garret haha. He makes everyday like valentine's day. But it was nice going to Sizzler's WITH our brothers hahaha Just like the year before.

March:

Oh St. Patty's month, and still didn't really care for it. But it was great spending time with Garret after a long fight about things that were utterly ridiculous.

You know that fight/argument, when at the very moment its the most important topic to you or to him and you would cry your eyes out and pout, scream, boogered out? and now thinking about it, it's really not that important because you either forget about it or you really stop to think how stupid the fight argument was. Yeahhh that's me, but I guess you got to have a few angry moments to add some spice to the relationship haha

Awh April:

So I pretty much Wrapped everything up to this month the month where everything should be hectic and stressful, but actually the only stressful thing is adding classes for summer. YEP i said it school is going to continue on for Yours truly. I love this month everything is nice and smooth things couldn't get any better... Well as good as it can get so far. I mean yeah I still have secrets that needs desperatly to be out and made official. But I'm happy and everyone around me is happy, pregnant, married, engaged, in a relationship. So at least I have two from that category. (Happy and in a relationship, if you didn't know) haha

I Have Risen

So its that time of year where college students are studying, or procrastinating...

To me I really have no idea where I'm heading, Yet I believe I'll do something great. (Since that is why we are here in this world, right?) So I'm in my third year of college and let me tell you something, I wish I could be a freshman again. I know I'm not ready to become a senior in college, hell, I know I'm not ready. I see students getting jobs, or studying with friends in groups, I see couples making out and others laughing on how gross it is to swap spit to each other. I've seen grown men still act like second grade students. I've noticed that my teachers are just a little bit older than I am, yet they manage to grade my papers.

How Am I suppose to be a doctor when I've done so many mistakes, the saying "You learn from your Mistakes," Whoever made that saying should be punched in the face for making that a mistake.

I don't know where I'm heading but I guess I'm not the only one, all I know is that I'm "In love," and no one can take that away. I'm also very interested in healthcare/medical care. I love caring for people, listening where they came from, why they are here for me to take care of them at Hunstman. I want to be around people, and socialize but also I want to help them. Its odd, it sounds like I should be a counselor, or a psychiatrist, or someone that can listen and give some opinion or advice.

But I love being in a hospital and wrap my patients up and take care of them until its time for them to get packin' and get goin'.

Yeah that's right I have goals too. Shocking isn't it? :D

I Know it may be late to start it but here it goes for this year I'm hoping to check out these things before this year ends. In any random listed.

This really needs to be said out ASAP.

• Tell my mom, I want to be in a relationship, have my secret for almost three year be out.
• Get a job, before this is said.
• Apply volunteer work.
• Basically be not afraid to ask my parents for me to go out with my Boyfriend or friends at night.

My list for my physical appearance goals

• Work out 2-4 days a Week-20mins-1hr (lose 20-45 lbs in several months.)
• Follow a well diet.
• Get my curves back.
• Run around the neighborhood till I pass out... once-twice a week.

My list for my education goals

• PASS all my classes with and A or a B+ at the end of the spring semester. (Hey I can dream...)
• Getting on with the Scholarship applications, apply at least 7-10 before its too late.
• Pass my classes with Straight A's this Time.
• Go to study sessions when available
• Have tutors when I'm in desperate in need of help.

MAIN GOAL!

• Keep Saving up my $$ for Medical school. So I don't have to take loans, or that would be the end for me.

So as you can figure it out, This blog is basically about myself. I'll be posting a few from time to time. I'll let you in about the ASAP marks that I have Up there.

If I could rip her beautiful face off and sew it on mine.

I can still feel you.

I think I would finally be happy

You are

the only reason that I feel this way...

It would help if we all had a piece of the moon to hold onto

It paved a way of distance

Look at what you do to me...

If it's not there

(Then make it)

If it's been made

(Then take it)

If it's been taken

(Then steal it)

If it's been stolen

(Then it was never there)

God gives us hope.

But we stil fear what we do not know

The first time I saw you.

You turned away

If you were an illusion

I would make you real.

Everything reminds me of you

"You & I are going to be okay

You know that, right?"

Sometimes I wonder how I will stay strong

This day feels like it will never end

Lovers alone wear sunlight

I'll lie awake until the morning light

It'll be okay.

Every person has one secret

I've hit the point in life

Where I have no idea what to do next

I'm afraid

I'm afraid of ending up like parents

I'm afraid of being unoriginal

I'm afraid of what the outcome will be for me in college

I'm afraid of not being smart enough

I'm afraid of losing friends and make new ones

I'm afraid of being a failure

I'm afraid of getting old

I don't want kids

I don't want to be functional

I want people to remember me

I like my dysfunctional family

I like being different.

Desire

If you see someone you desire, whisper that person's name twenty times.

Then before going to sleep that night wish twenty times to see that person again.

From the past... I felt like this... Maybe you'll finally see...

What's your greatest ambition?

to become immortal and then die...

"I will end up destroying myself one way or another...."

It's funny when someone says I love You.

You can't really feel it when the words are spoken out,

But when they say they don't love you anymore,

You can feel every ounce drained out of your entire body.

Your body is my home.

Feeling your heavy breathing on my neck again,

Having your arms around me tight,

Feeling safe,

I love you.

People say that I don't judge

usually I don't

but sometimes,

I think people need to be judged

more than anything

I wish that I could do what I want

without caring what other people think

When someone asks you "what's wrong?"

and the most common lie is 'I'm fine.'

In the past...

I wondered

Will I be alone forever?

I wanted to tell you so many things,

But didn't know how.

"Remember there are no mistakes,

only lessons to love yourself,

trusting your choices,

and everything is possible"

I admit I longed for a relationship,

But it was hard to find Mr. right.

Seeing a good looking guy that had the conceded attitude.

Or have a guy with the perfect attitude was wasn't "good looking"

I wanted both, Yet I never found Mr. Right.

I thought I did so many times but... well

I found him,

I found my Mr.Right.

It took me all through high school to find him for me,

Seeing him for the first time, I felt like love at first sight,

But I had to let him make the first move,

letting it be traditional,

It didn't work out.

I had to make the first move,

Follow him after class,

Talk, Laugh, Whisper,

Than I asked him if He would be mine.

First words were not what I wanted to hear,

Yet he later said he was a fool and wanted me.

Taking it day by day, so slowly,

Love was growing between us,

from him and me

we became one, and have been ever since.

You are real with yourself to me than you are to your best bro.

You let me see your emotions,

anger, sadness, and yes true happiness.

Create your Life.

I tried to see the beauty in every person.

But when I look at others,

They never do the same.

Right now love me.

let your heart defy your logic....

Handbook 2010

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray and read your Bible daily.
6. Play more games .
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t over do it. Keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree…

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about, I just did.

For the Holidays

So..... Christmas..... HA

Yeah after all the shopping, sales, the deals to get someone a gift is like hunting for that perfect gift. I hate shopping, I hate getting up and go to the store spend so much time at the store and wait for mommy dearest to decide what to get for who. In the past I thought it would be great, I thought that maybe it would be okay to give and receive, but that was when I was in junior high through high school. Now in reality I see a whole different picture. I now know its more of a you did this for me so I have to repay you kind of thing. This year i also notice the more you grow up the harder it is to understand that your not gonna get so much presents this year. Which to me I say its a bunch a Bull@#$% yeah. I loved when I would wake up in the morning and scream "MERRY CHRISTMAS!!" I would race with my brother and group up which ones are my presents and his presents. I would than call all my relatives and wish them a Merry Christmas. Christmas to me still means to reminds those that you remember them and care enough to call and wish them a Merry Christmas. Its not the gifts, the money, or the wanting something for yourself.

Right now I admit, I wish I could go to church and listen to the story of the birth of Jesus Christ. I mean yeah I used to be a strong religious Catholic girl. But I don't really like going to church anymore because I believe to preach out the words of god, or the holy Scriptures the "father" must feel it. To make us the people of God to Feel something after mass. Since the "father" that I once knew and remember I love to listen and later I felt the words of God. But now we have a new preacher and I refuse to go and listen to his words, because they are not fulfilling, it doesn't capture my attention. I once thought God give those that have been faithful and have been a great caring person. Right now I feel like its all a lie, I know a man who has never done anything bad in his life. Has never lied as long as I known him (which has been my whole life) He has been great, strong, generous, caring, honest, and everything you can think of, is now a man of weak, sick, sad, angry, depressed. Why God? Why is my dad a man of sickness a man that has worked so hard to get all his brothers, sisters and his mother to get here. A great man that worked for a low pay and help his wife to buy a house for a daughter and son. A strong man to work two job, when he knew that he was feeling weak. A man that now cannot work, because he loves to work hard and try and help his family as much as he can, but now feels like he's a thorn to the family. Why God?

Yeah, I was wondering why do bad things happen to Good people?

Why do SOME bad people get good things happened to them?

Karma? Luck? Hard work? faith? I don't know anymore.....